Your 5-Step Mini Guide to Letting Go

It’s the first blog post of 2024! I wanted to set the tone for this year and share with you THE technique that has helped me live with more peace and light-heartedness. And ultimately, has helped me reconnect with my Truth.

Letting go.

I became obsessed with this idea of letting go when I first read Michael Singer’s “The Surrender Experiment” 7 years ago. It sounded like such a sweet life of ease and peace. But when I started practicing this letting go, I was left with more questions than answers.

Questions I was fanatically determined to find the answers to.

But like a lot of these lofty spiritual ideals, you can find some understanding through books and lectures, but it’s really in the practice itself that the answers surface.

Because, you know, the whole [everything you need is within]. Yes, even the answers to your existential questions. (Especially the answers to your existential questions.)

And it’s in the practice of letting go that this concept switches from an intellectual understanding to a deep-down in your core spiritual one.

“But Janelle, how exactly do I let go?!”

Letting go sounds nice and all, but it’s not helpful to tell me to *just let it go* and then not give me a step-by-step manual on how to do it. 

Like let’s be spiritual but also practical at the same time okayyyyy.

So this your mini manual.

In this mini guide, I’m sharing with you everything I’ve learned about letting go in 5 simple steps. (Notice how I said simple, but not easy. Because this kind of inner work is quite simple, but not always easy.) 

It’s a mix of what I’ve learned in therapy, Yogananda’s teachings, Pete Walker’s complex PTSD book, and Michael Singer’s teachings.

And not just learned, but have been practicing faithfully (and might I add imperfectly) for 7 years.

Because this is how my brain works, and I bet this is how yours does, too.

I love these esoteric concepts, but my excel sheet of a brain needs to break it down into neat little filing cabinet categories. Right?!

So here is my attempt to structure the practice of letting go in a way that is practical, doable and transformative. Enjoy!

Your 5-Step Mini Guide to Letting Go

The 5 steps to letting go are:

1. Name It: Name the feeling.

2. Validate It: Validate your feelings.

3. Self-Compassion: Introduce radical self-compassion.

4. Feel It: Sit with the feeling.

5. Let it Go: Let the feeling go.

Let’s dig further into each step.

1) Name It

And when I say “it”, I mean the feeling. We gotta start with the feeling. 

Name the feeling that is surfacing. And note, “I feel like they think I’m too needy” or “I feel like she’s using me” are not feelings, they’re stories.

“I feel sad”, “I feel rejected”, “I feel shame” – these are feelings.

Naming it is an important first step in acknowledging the feeling rather than ignoring it and worst, suppressing it. Naming it starts to give the feeling space to move through and out of you.

Here’s the feelings wheel if you need a little assistance naming the feeling.

2) Validate It

We all need validation, even our feelings. It lets them know they matter and they have a place in our experience. 

It’s ok to feel whatever you’re feeling.

Try not to judge the feeling as “bad” or “wrong”, but rather validate it. Something like “It’s ok that I feel sad. I think most people in this situation would feel sad, too. This is a totally valid response.”

Validating also allows the feeling to continue moving through and eventually out of your body, rather than ignoring and suppressing it, keeping it further within.

3) Self-Compassion

Now that you’ve named the feeling and validated it, it’s time to show yourself some self-compassion. 

Something like, “It’s ok, what you’re feeling is ok. I will not abandon you. I will never abandon you. I am here for you, always.” A gentle hand over your heart works wonders here.

Loads of gentle self-compassion. A lot, and I mean A LOT of “it’s ok” to yourself.

This is a vital step because when we introduce radical self-compassion, we not only shrink the inner critic, but we give the feeling even further permission to move through and out of us.

Are you catching onto the theme here? We’re not letting go of the outer experience per se. 

We’re letting go of what’s surfacing inside of us because of what’s happening outside of us. 

Introducing radical self-compassion creates a sense of safety for the often painful feeling to move through and out.

We’re releasing the feeling the trigger surfaced. Because it wants to be released, and this situation is an opportunity to release. These feelings can be painful, which is why we often don't allow ourselves to feel them. But suppressing only piles pain on top of pain on top of pain. And we don’t want to keep carrying that pain around.

We want to…let it go.

4) Feel It

Ok, so now the hard part. And I emphasize – do this in a way that feels *safe* for you. No need to rush this process.

Now that you’ve named the feeling, validated it and introduced self-compassion, take some time to truly feel what is surfacing (again, as long as it feels safe for you).

Sometimes this can take a few seconds. Sometimes a few minutes. Sometimes longer.

This is what it means to [sit with your feelings]. It doesn’t mean to wallow in them. It means to consciously – *consciously, consciously* – sit with them and meet them with self-compassion.

And this next part is important…

Notice *where* in your body you’re feeling the feeling. 

• Do you feel it in your gut? 

• Do you feel it in your chest? 

• Do you feel it in your root chakra? 

• Where exactly in your body do you feel the energy of this feeling?

There’s an energy stirring up within you. Notice where the energy is.

After all, a feeling is an emotion, and an e-motion is energy in motion. It’s literally energy that needs to be released.

5) Let It Go

We have arrived. Ok, so you’ve named the feeling, validated it, introduced self-compassion and felt it – like actually, truly felt it.

Now that you know *where* exactly in your body you’re feeling this energy in motion, start to move that energy to your heart center and release it. And you’ll feel it. You’ll feel that energy start to pour out of your heart center. It’s like an oozing out, and it’s so frikin freeing.

Let. It. Go.

Little by little. Day by day. Instant by instant.

Let go of all of this pain you’ve been storing for decades, even lifetimes. This energy that wants to be released — is asking to be released. 

So this means: 

• Instead of turning on Netflix after another disappointing text from them, you pause and do all of this. 

• Instead of phoning your sister to vent, you pause and do all of this. 

• Instead of reaching for the chocolate cupcake (it me lol), you pause and, you know.

A lot of these “distractions” are unconscious habits, so it’s ok if you do that instead. But as you continue to practice letting go, start bringing some mindfulness into your experience. Notice the habits you reach for when those feelings start to surface, and try to practice letting go instead.

(Then you can binge Netflix, call sis or eat the cupcake if you still need to).

And then something starts to happen. The situation that surfaced these feelings starts to feel differently. You start to react differently. You start to, well, let it go.

Let go of the feeling. And let go of the situation.

You let it go.

Ok, let’s regroup. The 5 steps for letting go are:

1. Name It

2. Validate It

3. Self-Compassion

4. Feel It

5. Let It Go

Now, you don’t have to do all of these 5 steps perfectly, obvs. You get the gist of it. Just try to connect with your feelings, be kind to yourself, and let go.

I called this a *mini* guide because this is simply a starting point on your letting go journey. If you want to dive deeper and further commit to this practice (I can’t recommend it enough), I encourage you to take Michael Singer’s course “Living From a Place of Surrender - The Untethered Soul in Action”. You can check out the full course here and all things Michael Singer here. Or you can do what I did and listen to the course on Audible – it’s currently on sale for $6.99!

All of Michael Singer’s stuff is so helpful for learning about the practice of letting go — his books, podcast and courses.

I also recommend starting a daily meditation practice. This will get you in the habit of sitting with your feelings in the moment and letting go.

I hope this letting go practice brings you the same lightness and peace it has brought me. And I hope it helps you release everything you’re not so you can awaken to everything you already (perfectly) are.