36 and (sometimes sorta) Thriving Within: My Unseen Journey of Self-Realization
Hi my love,
It’s my 36th birthday next week 🥳. But it feels more like 😫. Because these mid-30 birthdays are the perfect recipe for wallowing in the “What am I doing with my life 😫?!” debacle.
We’re just at that age where this nagging question is *already* swirling around in our heads 24/7. But come birthday month and it’s on full frikin blast 📢.
Kinda weird. Because it’s already human nature to compare ourselves to our peers. But we millennials entered adulthood in a sht economy that only got worse. We feel pressured to achieve our parent’s American Dream.
An American Dream that is dead.
Yet we’re still measuring our worth as a human by this barbaric yardstick that insists we’re only worthy if we meet a certain criteria of accomplishments…by a certain age.
And to add insult to injury, we’ve been uniquely positioned to scroll the edited highlights of our peers’ lives every…single…day.
So it’s like this unhealthy peer comparison amplified as we drown in the guilt of never being able to live up to our boomer parent’s American Dream in a sht economy. (And if your parents are immigrants, turn up the hopeless guilt a few notches lol.)
And come October, I usually try to answer this damn “what am I doing with my life?!” question. I usually try to calm the panicked mind with a little reassurance. I usually say a lil something to myself like:
🫠 “Janelle, a lot of the work you’ve put in these past few years is internal, so your results are internal as well. I know it feels like you have ‘nothing’ to show for it, but trust me what you’ve accomplished is priceless.”
🫠 “Janelle, it’s ok. Remember, you intentionally made these choices to embark on a journey of spiritual growth and transformation and find that peace and joy within.”
🫠 “Janelle, you’re chasing the new American Dream. Stay true to your North Star.”
But this year, in honor of diving deeper into my surrender experiment, I didn’t want to do that whole self-pep talk thing.
Because when I soothe the racing mind with that approach, I’m still needing to compare myself to my peers in order to feel better.
When October 1st rolled around and the daunting question started to consume me, I paused and asked myself…what if I don’t answer the question, like at all?
🧐 What if I approached the mid-30 birthday crisis differently this year?
🧐 What if I didn’t need to change the narrative?
🧐 What if I could just let it go?
You know I’ve spent the last few years trying to find comfort in my inner journey, reassuring myself that even though I don't have the traditional accomplishments to show for my efforts, my intangible results are valuable and worthwhile.
BUT I’ve also spent the last few years wondering when will my inner work pay off? When will my inner work materialize? When will my outer world reflect my inner one?!?
