I Don't Belong Here
I was supposed to come home for 3 weeks, max, and then head to Thailand, but as fate would have it plans quickly changed and India wanted me, and she wanted me ASAP. To make a long story short, planning a trip to India as a solo traveler is not as simple as “let’s just show up and see how it goes!”, not for me at least. I had to apply for a tourist visa (a process that took weeks), book flights, organize tours, reserve rooms, etc. Yes, I am a notorious procrastinator that doesn’t like to plan so to say I was overwhelmed is an understatement.
So, here I am, nearly 2 months later and still home.
What’s it really like being home this long? Well, at first it was exhilarating! It felt so good to be home, especially around the holidays. I spent my days catching up with friends, spending quality time with family and soaking in all of this love. The best part, a bed and a pillow of my own!
In a way I felt like I was vacationing in my hometown.
But it wasn’t long before my Costa Rica high started to wear off. Within a couple of weeks Costa Rica felt like it was just a dream. Post-travel depression is real my friends. Although I wouldn’t go as far as saying I was depressed, I was sad, confused and lost.
I found myself retrieving back to my old ways of thinking, contemplating and even questioning this decision to leave my job and travel. I was bored, I was anxious, I was freaking the f&*k out. My excitement for this journey had been quickly replaced with fear.
“What am I doing?” was a question that was on replay in my mind constantly.
In an attempt to answer that question I spent my days trying to make sense of this, meditating and doing yoga daily desperately searching for some clarity. Soon I realized something I already knew to be true.
I simply don’t belong here.
Yes, Miami will always be home in a way. My family is here. But rather than moping around anxiously awaiting the next leg of this journey, my time at home quickly became the motivation I needed to keep going.
I have no idea what’s waiting for me or when this journey will end, if it ever will.
But I do know there’s nothing I’ve wanted more in my life. If I needed some reassurance that this IS the life for me, well then spending a couple of months reliving the life that ISN’T for me is the reminder I needed. For the first time in my life I DON’T KNOW! I don’t have a detailed outline for my future.
Frankly, I don’t have much of a plan at all.
And honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way because isn’t that what life is about?! Not knowing! Not knowing how it unfolds, not knowing how it ends, yet trusting yourself to make the right choices for YOU, to do what makes YOU happy, to do what feels right for YOU. There’s no fun in the known.
Life begins in the unknown.
I’m heading to India in 14 days and I’ve never been more excited and yes, a little nervous. And as cliché as this sounds, perhaps I don’t belong in any one place, perhaps the world is my home. There’s only one way to find out.
